I Am Tall. Get Over It.
I get so sick of people commenting on my height.
It’s like: “really? I’m tall? No shit? I never noticed that before. Fuck! You are such an observant person!”
I’m not sure why I’m so annoyed by it. I guess it’s partly repetition. If you hear anything often enough, it gets aggravating. It’s also partly the implication that I am abnormal in some way. I got teased about my body shape a lot as a kid, so I suppose there is still an insecure teenager lurking inside me, who winces with embarrassment when people comment on my physique.
When I was in the boy scouts, the nickname I was given was ‘Daddy-Long-Legs’. For the non-Australian reader, a daddy-long-legs is a peculiar looking Australian spider. It has a tiny body, and absurdly long and thin limbs, which give it a shambling, wobbly gait. That wasn’t the sort of thing to build up my self esteem as an adolescent. Being a young man is supposed to be about strength, poise and muscularity, not swaying in the breeze like a bean-pole.
It is vexing to me, that the people who comment on my appearance are often people who would probably not be pleased to have a similarly candid observation made about themselves. Fat people, short people, pimply people, people with big arses, people with big noses, people with big tits…
The incident illustrated in the cartoon above, actually happened, last week. I survived, but it was a socially awkward moment.
The other day, when I met Big-Boobs, I decided, on the spur of the moment, that rather than just swallow my annoyance at her inane greeting, I would reciprocate in kind. That’s how the “big breasts” line popped out of my mouth. It just, kind of, came out. I didn’t say it in a mean or salacious way, just a simple statement of fact, which, in context, could be taken as a returned compliment.
Big-Boobs looked at me like I had farted in her face. The conversation ended right there. It was an interesting social experiment, but I don’t think I will do it again if I can help it.
Sometimes, if you don’t have anything intelligent to say, it’s better to keep your mouth shut. People can be very sensitive about their bodies. What a shock, right?!
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